


Never, Not Once

by victoria_p (musesfool)



Series: tumblr prompt fic [17]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension, obi-wan's casual relationship with the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 18:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p
Summary: The one person Obi-Wan's never been able to lie to successfully is himself.





	Never, Not Once

The mission is a milk run, the kind that would normally be assigned to a very old master or a very new master with a very young padawan, but after his adventures as Rako Hardeen, Obi-Wan is glad for something simple, something _easy_. Something that doesn't require Anakin's rock-solid trust in him to work, because it's currently showing cracks after his deception. Obi-Wan had told himself that Anakin would understand, but he knows that was more his own wishful thinking than the reality of Anakin's personality.

Still, Anakin has moved through his anger and hurt and his silence is more natural now, or as natural as silence ever is for him. By the time they return to the Temple, he's sure Anakin will have forgiven him, if not forgotten his hurt feelings.

At the formal dinner after the negotiations are concluded and the marriage contracts are signed, Obi-Wan holds fast to his wine glass, allows it to be topped off more than is wise, and lets himself feel the full effect of the fizzy alcoholic beverage. All the jagged edges that prick at him constantly lately soften and he feels something loosen in his chest when Anakin shoots him a goofy grin during the toasting portion of the evening. He even manages to not step on anyone's toes during the traditional first dance, which is an ancient and intricate minuet.

They retire after that, before the party becomes raucous. 

There's an ease between them that's been missing lately as they stroll back to their assigned quarters, far more luxurious than what they've become used to over the course of the war.

It's ironic then, that that very luxury makes it hard for either of them to relax and fall asleep. Obi-Wan turns onto his left side, and then shifts onto his right before he returns to lying on his back. Even in that position, he feels like he might drown in the soft foam of the mattress. Anakin's breathing is deep and steady an arm-span away, but Obi-Wan can tell he's awake even before he speaks.

"Do you ever think about it?" Anakin's voice is soft, and he feels curious in the Force, with some measure of anxiety beneath it. He wouldn't feel like Anakin if there weren't always a low level of anxiety simmering beneath the surface, and Obi-Wan does his best to address it obliquely rather than directly these days.

"Marriage, you mean?"

Anakin glances over at him, his eyes and teeth flashing white in the dimness. "Yeah."

"No," Obi-Wan answers immediately, reflexively. It's the correct answer for a Jedi, even if it's not exactly the truth. Which perhaps he does owe to Anakin, after all. "Not seriously," he amends. "There was Satine, but I think we both knew duty would always come before personal feelings." Or they'd both been afraid that the other would say no if they'd asked. But that's too revealing, even for slightly tipsy midnight conversations. It's also why he doesn't ask Anakin in return. He tries not to ask questions to which he doesn't want to know the answer.

"Satine is certainly _something_ , all right," Anakin replies, which makes Obi-Wan huff a soft laugh.

"She is indeed." Maybe as younger people they could've grown together and learned to compromise, but while seeing her again had stirred up all those old emotions, he knows that it'd never work between them now, even if he could bring himself to walk away from the war. From Anakin.

Another topic it doesn't do to dwell on.

But Anakin's not finished. He's always had a knack for poking at Obi-Wan's weak spots.

"She's the only one? No one else?"

"When would I have had the time?" Obi-Wan laughs again. "There's a war on, you know. And before that, I spent most of my time getting my very adventurous padawan out of trouble. Not exactly conducive to romance." He's had any number of sexual partners over the years, but he's got a feeling that isn't what Anakin is driving at. Though Anakin still seems to equate sex with love, which is not a problem Obi-Wan's ever had.

Anakin rolls onto his side, then, close enough that Obi-Wan can smell the toothpaste on his breath and the soap he'd used to wash his face.

"What about—" He stops and flashes a nervous grin. "Did you ever think that you and I could—"

"Never," Obi-Wan blurts immediately, over the sound of his heartbeat suddenly pounding in his ears. "Not once."

"Oh," Anakin says, and this time his mouth twists into something more like a scowl before it smooths out again. "Me neither." 

It's a lie. Obi-Wan knows, because it's the same lie he's just told. The only difference is, Anakin believes him, and he can't bring himself to tell the truth.

end

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be part of a 5+1 kind of deal but the rest of the story never came together, so I decided to post it on its own.


End file.
